I know it’s a little late for New Years resolutions…. But better late than never! I’ve learned more about myself this past year than I have about haunted houses. It’s not a bad thing, it’s just different.
For what seems like the tenth time, the project has stalled (In my head) but at least this time the wheels kept turning in other areas. So at least one of my initiatives from last year work out. (Get other people involved and working on different aspects of the project rather than only working on one tiny piece at a time.)
Epiphany number one is to make this blog for “me” from now on. I will continue to make it public as it has been from the very start… But I am going to be far lass concerned about the way I frame and word things moving forward. I’ve spent so much time trying to be politically correct and socially acceptable that I’ve lost some of myself over the past couple of years. The fact is I am a lot of things, and filtering any facets of my personality doesn’t fully share the “Chris Giffen experience”. Love me or hate me… I am who I am.
The second thing I realized is this project is not for everyone, and no matter how cool it is (to me), I can’t force people to like it.. I can’t force art… I’ve spent a couple of years trying to force square pegs in round holes, and today it ends.
What I mean by that is: I’ve found some real talented people that do fantastic work in some areas, so it is only logical that I “seduce” then into working on part of the project for me… sometimes the results are slow to materialize, and sometimes the results don’t materialize at all. Sometimes the people vanish out of my life all together… And no part of this project is that important to me.
This isn’t because the people or friends are bad… It’s because they don’t share the passion I have for the project… Or at least don’t share the passion they need for for that particular aspect of the project. So they agree to help me because they like me, only to say (internally) ” oh shit, what did I get myself into!”
I’m not talking about the aspects of the project that just take time because the ART takes time… (Like the sculpture part of the animatronics.) sometimes someone can be passionately working on something for a very long time and it is just the nature of the beast.
I take the blame for this because I’ve asked people to help with things without feeling the “spark” that is needed. So, epiphany number two is – wait for the spark. If I don’t feel it, don’t rush it. Asking someone to fake it will only result in frustration. I’m sharing this with everyone because moving forward, I’m going to do far less “reaching out” to people. If you want to help – please say something to me… Because I can sure use every bit of assistance I can get me hands on! But I probably won’t ask you first.
The third and final epiphany is: I still need help, but not the kind of help I thought I needed. (Insert your smart ass psychological help statement here!) 2012 was the year I spent trying to summon my muse… 2013 is the year of me realizing that I need to make the muse…hunt the muse… Grab it by the short hairs and pull it whatever direction I need it to go.
I diverted too many resources (time, money, love) in 2012 into things that were wastes of time…. Chasing things that should have worked if the world or people were perfect…. But they are not. Sometimes people (myself included!) can look a fantastic opportunity right in the eye and then walk away.
This year, I’m going to be aggressive and forceful and go after what I want. But if what I go after doesn’t work, then so be it. I don’t have enough time to save the world. I’ll have plenty of opportunity in the future to remind the nay-sayers what the missed out on. (I already get this in my “professional” life when people I haven’t seen for years materialize out of nowhere when the need a job, money, or their car fixed.)
Don’t like the way I do it? So what. (Also see epiphany number one above!) I gotta be happy with me, you gotta be happy with you …. Those two positions don’t have to agree with each other.
So ends my first introspective blog of 2013.